I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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