"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
