i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
