He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
