next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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