I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
