i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
