mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
