My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm too high and old for this...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
