sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
