I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
