At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
