I want to have your abortion
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
