my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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