You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't deserve a penis
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
