he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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