i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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