I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
