Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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