omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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