If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
