I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
