Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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