Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
