in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
