She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
