It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Boobs are out for the taking
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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