Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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