Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
