I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
