my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
