Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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