Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I sprained my soul last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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