He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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