If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
