Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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