Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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