i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
