Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
