Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
