Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
