$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
