we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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