Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
