So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
