If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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