Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
