there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
