Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
