u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
