at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
